Tip Assistance

For those of you who are new to the tip game, I would like to give some guidence. Below, we have outlind the proper way to present the tip to the tipee. It is important that you exude confidence when presenting the tip. Make eye-contact, smile and say "thank you" or some derivative of "thank you".





Holding


Hold the bill between your thumb and pointer finger. Unless I have a pony tail or my hair is slicked back, never ever hold it between your fingers as you try to shake my hand. We are not making a drug deal, nor am I some sleasy usher at a nudy bar who can get you a front row seat. Your wife isn't going to think you like me if you tip me so go ahead and show the tip! No advantage will come out of tipping me like a sleaze-ball. And to be honest, the first thing that comes to my mind is the thought that you are trying to hide something. It is ok that you are tipping me, you do not need to hide it. You should be confident that you are giving me a tip that is equal to the quality of service I have given you, and therefore you do not need to be worried that I might freak out.





Folding


Fold the bill no more than one time. The denomination should be shown so that I can see just how generous you are being at the time you are being it. I shouldn't have to pull a wad of one-dollar bills out of your sweat drenched grasp. I should have the ability to take the bill from you without making contact with your skin if I should desire. Sometimes the tipee could be like Howie Mandel and be afraid that the next hand he touches will result in the Hanta virus and the end of the world.





Denominating


If following the guidelines from about.com, you should be tipping no less than $5 for a bellman (One bag would elicit service from a bellman, and 1 x $5 = $5). Therefore, you should hand over a tip divisible by 5. Do not tip me like I am about to or have recently taken off all of my clothes, which means keep those 4 disgusting $1 bills that you pawned off of your wife because you forgot you were going to be tipping, to yourself. And never ask, "Honey, do you have any change?" There are only a few worse phrases and they all pretty much begin with "Today on Oprah..." or "Previously on The Hills..." or "Welcome to the Tyra Banks show..." Once again the idea is confidence. If you are going somewhere were there is a remote possibility that you might be tipping, plan ahead. Your dignity is worth more than a 5-minute stop at the local ATM...right? Remember that while a tip can be a confidence-booster, it can also be an insult.

PHRASES NEVER TO SAY



"All I have are large bills." You might as well tell me "All I have are bills that you do not deserve. If I could give you change in paper form, I would. I am paying $$$ for this room, but I cannot afford to give you a 'big bill'." There is such thing as getting change, which I will gladly get for you instead of your attempt to use Jedi-mind tricks on me.



"What is your name? I will catch up with you later." Look, we have all heard this line before. This isn't something new. We know you have no intention in tipping us. Chances are we will run into you later and we will not forget your face. I have a better chance of proving Tupac isn't dead than getting tipped after the fact. If you are going to pull this line, hide your face like the runaway bride so we do not have to be reminded of the tip you were going to give us every time we see you. You are not fooling us, we have heard it before.



"So what is an appropriate tip?" Look, when in doubt, aim high. You will not go broke from tipping a bellman, but you might just make my day, which may come back to you in a great way in the very near future. Remember, we know where you are and we know your name. We can hook you up.



Bonus line: (When looking at a bellcart with a laundry bag or ice bucket on it) "That must be one heavy ice bucket/laundry bag." Slow your roll, Carrot Top. This isn't stand-up. Chances are if you are saying it, it has been said before. What, next are you going to ask me if I know where the kids from the show Laguna Beach live?